Yearly Update

It's only been a year since my last post and I'm quite sure there should be plenty to write about, but alas, no. Same shit, different year. Regardless, here we go:

My Day Book

I am wearing: Jeans and a button down black shirt. I am so anxious for fall/winter to arrive, I have elected to start wearing black when I can. This summer has been particularly bad. No rain coupled with 60 days of triple digit temps. Recently, it was as hot as 110 degrees and I almost packed my shit up.

I am reading: Nothing really. The last book I read was around Christmas - The Help. Such a great book and just recently the movie was released, which was terrific. Fabulous really.

I am hearing: This terrible ringing in my ears, even with the TV on. I think I got overheated this morning while watering. It was 9:00 a.m. and seriously it was already too hot for me.

I am learning: To let go. McKenna will be 22 on Monday. She likes to go "out" with her friends. This has not been easy for me, but I think I'm getting better. I'm always asking gramma to watch over her and protect her. So far, so good.

I hope: I can retire soon. I'm tired. I hate what I do. It's time to move on! The idea of spending the one life I have doing something I can barely tolerate is crazy to me. Perhaps I will change religions. Buddists believe in reincarnation, so let's do that. In my next life, I will live in Montana and be a librarian.

In the kitchen: It was actually remodeled. Thank goodness. Although things that Dan was supposed to take care of, still remain undone. I hate some of the cabinets, but Dan REALLY wanted them. I just don't understand why.

Around the house: Things could use a good scrubbing. I don't really get any help, so maybe it's time to hire this out. thinks are a little more interes

Out my window: Things are completely dried up; except what I've been watering DAILY! Back in March, Dan and I put down some Zoysia which is supposed to be drought tolerant grass. NOT. Still, it's so nice to see green grass. For so many years, we looked at dirt, but perhaps we could have picked a different year....

Plans for the weekend: As previously mentioned, it's McKenna's birthday, so Dan and I will do some shopping on Sunday. I usually do this myself, but I spend so much time doing things by myself, so I am going to drag him with me.

As Usual

Nearly a whole month has passed since my last post. Things have been a little bananas lately and to put it in words would take more time than I have. Danielle is no longer working with me. That's a relief as there just wasn't enough work. She is now working at the Mercedes dealership as a sales assistant. I do miss her, but I every now and then, I am enjoying my solitude. McKenna has started nursing school and I am so proud that she has been chosen as cream of the crop. She will make an excellent nurse and I hope that she is having a good time.

We purchased a 1957 Shasta trailer for my birthday. See the irony? I was born in 1957. This little camper needs a lot of work. In fact, as of now, Dan has completely gutted it and after wiring and insulation, walls are finally going back in. I am in search of a remote area in which to camp. It seems the rest of the RV population does not mind "camping" in some huge RV parking lot. Not for me! I wrote a letter to a property owner in Concan asking if we could camp on his property on the Frio River. It's either yes or no ~~ and I figure I have nothing to lose by asking.

I got the news yesterday that Bobby got the point for the new dealership. This is beyond good news. Dan is supposed to be the GM, but because I am the most unlucky person I know, I refuse to believe it until I see it. One thing is for certain, he will be much, much closer. I hate that he has to drive to 281 every single day.

I am in a horrible mood right now because Danielle wants us to take care of her cell phone issues. I want so much for this 24, soon to be 25 year old child to stand on her own. Dan does not realize the damage he does by giving her everything. In the meantime, we have nothing. I have to pay a $1,000.00 phone bill as it is. I so wished that things would have worked out for her and Kyle. He is such a terrific fella and yet, because there are two sides to every story, I guess it was not to be. Getting her married will solve 50% of my problems.

Okay, it's the last day of the month and I gotta get back to work so I can finalize my invoice. Will post sometime soon, but really, no promises.

Now for this message....

I can just totally lose track of time. It's Wednesday and I'm really trying to slam some work out. The office is under the misconception that this new system should be faster and more streamlined. NOT. I am always amazed that rather than listen to the person responsible for the job, management would rather listen to some consultant, who doesn't have a clue.

I last spoke of my father. Here lately, it's my grandmother on my mother's side that I am thinking of most often. Her name was Maria Offer and she lived in Laredo, Texas for almost all of her life. She was born in Mexico City and at just a few years old, moved with her whole family which included her mother, Aunt Hortencia and Uncle Pepe, to Nueva Laredo. Her father (my great-grandfather) was killed in some military issue with Santa Anna or something like that. Which explains why she was an only child. So, Gramma married a German fella, Werner, and they had one daughter (my mother) Mary. My grandfather died at a somewhat early age of a smoking related illness. I don't think my grandmother really ever missed him. Years after I got married, my grandmother confided in me that he saw other women. I think she tried to be a good wife to him, but it's hard to say what goes on in a relationship. The thing about my grandmother....she loved me despite the fact that I was broken. She was the only one and I wonder if she remains to be the only one. I'm not feeling sorry for myself or anything...just how things are.

As I live and breathe....here's an update.

I left off talking about my father. Only once did I ever hear him stand up to my mother. It was one of those amazingly stressful dinners where it was pick, pick and more pick and the best thing to do was keep your head down, eat quickly and asked to be excused. Mother was on one of her hatred-filled rants of me and I was thinking how wonderful my life would be if she would just choke on her dinner. Would that not prove that there was a true and just God? The kitchen vent ran up to my room and after I made my escape, I ran up to my room where I heard my father say that he was tired of how she treated me. No doubt about it, I was stunned. Her response? "Too late." I was already 17 years old and you know, she was probably right. What's done is done.

He wasn't around that much. Dad was a pilot in the Air Force and was pretty busy most of the time. I don't remember him being that instrumental in my life, but every now and then I remember some specific time that we had a moment or two. I don't think he necessarily "loved" me but I don't think he hated me either.

He was not what you would call a friendly fella; not even nice and I wonder if perhaps his childhood might have something to do what that. Details are sketchy at best and some might not be true, but from what I remember, his mother, my grandmother Fern, left soon after the birth of the third child, a sister to my dad. Times being what they were and my grandfather trying to raise 3 children, my father was sent off to some friends in South Carolina, the Todds. I don't know when Fern rejoined the family or when or if my father returned home. I just know they were never close. Because we moved around a lot, we rarely saw his people in Florida, but when my parents adopted my youngest brother (boy that's a story for another day), the name they gave him? Todd. Those rare times when my grandparents would visit, it was very tense and yet I know they saw things as well. They were Southern Baptists and could teach you a thing or two about being pious. More about them later.

Catching up and Looking Back

It's been awhile since my last post and though I see the blog in my "favorites" I have chosen to ignore the calling for me to write few words, until today.

I'm having a particularly stressful day. The new Epson arrived and of course there were issues. Keith came out to wave his magic wand and without a hiccup, it is now working. So rather than get to work and get my billing done, I've been thinking about the past half-century or so and the life I have had.

My father died a few years ago. I didn't find out about his passing for some months afterward. I simply asked my brother, who at the time was living next door, if he had gone to see Dad for Father's Day. He kinda hemmed and hawed and finally let it spill about Dad's death. Why, for the love of God, had he kept this from me? Was he really worried that I would show up at the funeral and make a scene? What???? Another thing...why had I not been able to sense the change? One less hurtful person on the planet should have felt different. I have always been a little sensitive to these things. Many people have arrived in my dreams to let me know just how they're doing. Should probably wig me out a little bit, but it really doesn't.

My father had esophageal cancer, but could have been laryngeal as I really don't have the details or facts. This must have been a long and arduous illness. During this time, did he want to see me? At the end, with mother at his bedside, did he ask her to call me? Did he want to make amends? In my head, it went down something like this: Mark: Mary call Teri and tell her I'm sick and I want to see her and apologize for the hell we created her first 17 years. Mary: I've tried calling her and she says she won't come. (Of course, she never called and never had any intention of calling). But this is how it plays out IN MY HEAD. I hope he wanted to make things right before leaving. Who knows. (Mary knows)

So, when people ask me about my parents, I tell them "My father is in hell and my mother is just killing time waiting to join him."

Earlier memories at the next update, hopefully tomorrow, but no promises.

My Day Book

I can't believe that I have failed to perform my usual Monday post. It's been quite a week here in toonville and this morning, as is my ritual, I was scanning the blogs and sites that I love to visit every day. Low and behold, there was my own. Crap. So, my little lovelies...here we go.

I am wearing faded blue jeans and a black cotton top. After all, it's after Labor Day and being the fashion conscious person that I am, it's time to at least wear the correct color.

I am NOT reading. Let's face it, I'm too tired. I am nursing the numerous mosquito bites on my arms. Apparently, they didn't get the memo that summer is supposed to be over. I have visions of them lined up on the porch rail, just waiting for me to come out to throw the trash. So, there they are, having a little meeting about who is going to land where...Lord, please hear me, I am sick of summer. I hear it's snowing in the Rockies. {sigh}

I am hearing my younger daughter get up and start her day. She is getting ready for work at a local BBQ joint and then will go to school. I'm so very proud of her. The older one is working hard and keeps me on my toes. Just this week, she invited her boyfriend to move in with us. He said yes. Amazing that I'm not bat-shit crazy.

I am learning that sleep has become a very precious thing to me. Guenther, the Schnauzer, has decided after 2 years of sleeping in his little bed, that he deserves the big bed right next to my head. I don't have the heart to tell him to get down. Husband fusses, but I've told him he doesn't get to decide. My dog, my side of the bed, my decision.

I hope the economy recovers soon. It's very scary out there and with two of mine working in auto dealerships, I can only hope that the banking/credit situation will turn around. We watched some of the presidential debate last night. Politics as usual. Politicians have gotten us in this mess and should all be fired. I believe early voting starts on Monday. I'll be there just to get this over with and then turn off the news.

In the kitchen the meat is thawing so I can start the marinade. Husband's cholesterol is higher than the high range. Therefore, I am now the food police and have reduced his red meat consumption, among various others. We actually had fish on Tuesday. Not a big fan, but it was really okay. For an hour, I walked around the house with a can of Oust. See, I was full of omega-3 AND got my exercise. It was a good night.

Around the house there is a little chaos going on. I need a vacation. By myself.

Out my window clouds are forming. We actually had some rain yesterday. On my way home from the medical center, I had to stop at Wal-Mart for the new Indiana Jones movie and when I was finished shopping, it was friggin pouring out. I grabbed an extra bag (3 umbrellas in the car) and stuck my head in the bag and ran like hell. I got absolutely soaked and in addition, looked like some crazy Wal-Mart ghost. I just hope they caught all this on the video surveillance and it really made someones day.

Plans for the week(end) will be making room for the boyfriend. Am I a great mom or what?

Day Book

I am wearing new jeans and a bright tangerine pullover. I actually went shopping for myself the other day and fell into the same old trap, but at least the jeans look nice and don't fall down everytime I stand up. I am always yanking on my pants. Sadly, still haven't made it for a trim. Maybe this week...probably not.

I am reading nothing dammit. Not even the cereal box. But wait, I don't eat cereal. I do enjoy a bowl of grits every now and then, but almost refuse to make it just for myself. Reminds me of a cruise we were on some time ago. The last day of the cruise, I found where they hid the grits. I was thrilled and then realized it was the last breakfast I would have there, and then made me sad. I made up for it and had, no joking internet, 3 bowls of grits.

I am hearing Mike Rowe on Dirty Jobs while trying to stay focused and get some work done. I can't tell you what a big fan I am. No seriously, can't.....God forbid Dan should read this and get all weird on me. I don't know what "it" is, but he has "it." When he changes his shirt on camera, I just about have a stroke.

I am learning to accept that I am over 50. I just find this to be so confusing as I really do not know where the time went. I was doing some planting this past weekend and it just about killed me. I took Saturday off and planted, shopped and ate dinner out. What a day!

I hope that the girls continue to like their jobs. I find it worries me silly when they are unhappy where they work or worry if they will keep their jobs with the economy in the tank. I hope this country can heal. At this point, I don't care who wins, but trust me, I'll be watching. They have a big job ahead of them and I hope they are up to the task.

In the kitchen nothing changes. I still have this love/hate relationship in there. I enjoy cooking, just wish I had a better place to do it. Hard to make a thoroughbred out of a donkey.

Around the house things are slowly getting done. I want very much to replace the carpet in the master bedroom. Dan forgets to take his boots off and trashes the off-white carpet, the dogs have their way, etc. I've tried several cleaning companies, but no one can get it clean really. Dan picked this carpet out several years ago. Every time I let him have his way, it turns out crappy. He likes to think he actually has taste and of course, he doesn't.

Out my window there is a slight breeze. We were expecting a great deal of rain yesterday and today...but alas, NOTHING. Isn't it amazing how the weatherman can always be wrong and YET, keep his job. So you say, 'well, sometimes weather changes and does something totally unexpected.' Fine, just get rid of the weatherman. What's the point? Really.

Plans for the week work..what else is there?